Why I'm Writing Man Down: A No-BS Guide for MEN on Grief, Growth and Getting Through Life's Hardest Days

The Hard Truths and Real Reasons Behind This No-Nonsense Guide

Chapters in this Guide

1. Man Down - Introduction

2. Why I’m Writing this No-BS Guide to Grief for Men

3. What the Hell is Grief Anyway?

4. How and Why Men Grieve Differently

5. What Grief Looks Like for Men in the Real World

6. The Traps Keeping You Stuck

   1. Shoulding All Over Yourself

   2. Trap #2 - Destroying Yourself by Avoiding the Pain

   3. Trap #3 - Locking Everything Away to Survive Another Day

   4. Trap #4 - Trying to Outwork the Pain

   5. Trap #5 - Playing the Victim

7. From Traps to Tools

8. The Tools

   1. How to Focus on What’s In Your Control

I’m going to be releasing the various sections of this guide as a I write them. When I’m done, I plan to package this up. I would love any feedback that you think might make this better: simpler, more practical and more impactful. Thank you for reading and for playing a part in this effort to help men grieve.

Why I Wrote This

I wrote this because what we’ve been taught—or not taught—about grief is completely killing us. We’re told to suck it up, bury the pain, and keep moving forward. But grief doesn’t vanish when you ignore it. It’s not something you “get over”—it’s something you carry.

If you’re willing to do the work, grief can also be something you grow through. The pain will always be there, but it doesn’t have to define you. It can make you stronger, more grounded, and more connected to the people and purpose that matter most.

Losing someone or something you love sucks. It hurts in ways you never thought possible. And let’s be honest: distractions like booze, work, or numbing out are tempting as hell. The problem is they usually make a shitty situation even worse. Deep down, you already know that—but damn, they’re still hard to resist.

When my wife died, I didn’t have a clue about grief. Why would I? My dad grew up dirt poor with a violent father who was wrestling with his own demons. There were no deep talks about love, loss, or grief. They were too busy figuring out how to feed ten hungry kids. My parents did their best.

That’s why I wrote this—to share what I’ve learned. Not from a textbook, but from the arena of real life. From making mistakes, numbing the pain, and eventually figuring out how to deal with it in a way that’s real. This isn’t about turning you into someone you’re not. It’s about helping you find a way to live, grow, and move forward—even when it feels impossible.

Let me say it again: I’m not a therapist or a grief counselor. I’m just a guy who’s been through some of life’s toughest shit and had to learn—usually the hard way—how to navigate grief without losing myself. And I’m still learning, because grief isn’t a problem you solve. It’s an unpredictable, shape-shifting shadow you learn to live with.

This guide is different. It’s real, no-nonsense, and built for men who don’t want bullshit or empty talk—they want something practical. Something they can actually use.

Who It’s For

I’ve coached over a thousand men over the years, and one thing stands out: how guys react when they’re up against it. When it’s time to lean in and ask for help, most shut down and turn inward. Instead of leaning on the pack, they go full lone wolf and try to tough it out on their own.

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing that sounds a lot like you.

And I’ll be honest—it’s my default setting too. Even with everything I’ve learned, my first instinct is still to shut down, close off, and try to figure it out myself. The difference now? I’ve learned to catch it earlier. I’m better able to see when it’s happening, and I’ve trained myself to reach out to a buddy before I spiral too far. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress.

This guide is for the guy who feels like he’s falling apart but doesn’t know how to talk about it. For the guy who tells himself he’s fine, even when he knows deep down, he’s not. For the guy who’s tired of numbing the pain but has no idea what to do next.

Maybe you’ve lost someone you love or carry guilt that weighs on you every damn day. You’re not the type to sit in a circle and cry about your feelings. Either am I. But you’re starting to wonder if there’s another way. Something real. Something that works.

If that’s you, this guide is for you. My hope is that it helps you figure out how to carry your grief in a way that makes you stronger, not weaker.

I can’t promise you a magic bullet—because there isn’t one. But I can promise this: you don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to feel broken forever. You can move forward. You can rebuild. And you can find meaning by honoring what you’ve lost.

What You Won’t Get

Let me tell you up front what this guide is not. I don’t want you wasting your time expecting something it doesn’t deliver.

You won’t get empty, irritating slogans like “time heals all wounds” or “everything happens for a reason.” Those don’t help, and they sure as hell don’t make the pain any easier.

If anything, they just make you want to punch the person saying them in the face.

You won’t get fluffy exercises like “finding your inner child” or “holding space for your emotions.” If that’s your thing, more power to you—but that’s not what we’re doing here.

You won’t get someone telling you to reinvent yourself. This isn’t about becoming someone else—it’s about learning to show up in the life you never wanted. With growth and resilience.

You won’t get a detailed, step-by-step formula that magically solves all your problems. If I’d cracked that code, I’d be rich enough to pay someone else to write this guide. But I haven’t—and neither has anyone else.

I’m not here to tell you exactly what to do—I don’t know your life, and I’m not dumb enough to pretend I know what’s best for you.

And you definitely won’t get judgment. I don’t care if you’re pissed off, numb, or stuck in patterns you hate. You might feel completely and utterly fucked up right now. I get it, brother. This guide isn’t about shame. It’s about meeting you where you are, figuring out what works for you, and helping you take the first step forward.

What You Will Get

This guide isn’t a roadmap—it’s a toolbox. There’s no universal formula for grief, but you’ll get ideas, tools, and skills you can use right away to help you move forward.

• The Freedom to Tackle It Your Way
  Grief isn’t one-size-fits-all. This guide gives you practical strategies you can adapt to your life, on your terms, without judgment.

• Simple, Practical Tools
  Clear strategies to face hard days, like pulling yourself out of a spiral when the pain feels overwhelming

• Skills to Build Resilience
  Techniques to help you stay grounded, handle challenges, and carry the weight without being crushed by it.

• Honest Lessons from Experience
  No theory or fluff—just real-life insights from someone who’s been there, sharing what worked, what didn’t, and what I wish I’d known.

This guide is about finding strength in the chaos, honoring what you’ve lost, and building a life that feels meaningful again.

You don’t have to have it all figured out, and you don’t have to do it alone. Take the first step—your life is worth it.

Let’s get after it, brother.

YOUR NEXT STEPS: Learn The Most Important Relationship Skill You Were Never Taught

Ever been in a conversation where someone was grieving, upset, or overwhelmed—and you had no idea what to say?

Maybe you tried to cheer them up, offered advice they didn’t want, or just froze, unsure of how to help. And afterward, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you could’ve shown up better.

💡 You’re not alone. Most people struggle with this—not because they don’t care, but because no one ever taught them how.

That’s why I created The LEAD Model Training—so you can stop second-guessing yourself and start being the person people turn to in their hardest moments.

Here’s What You’ll Walk Away With:

✅ A simple, repeatable framework (Label, Explore, Acknowledge, Decide) that works in any emotional conversation.
✅ Confidence in what to say (and what NOT to say) so you never feel awkward or unsure again.
✅ Proven techniques that make people feel deeply heard—without forcing them to open up.
✅ Real-world role-play scenarios so you’re not just learning, you’re practicing.

Most people:
🚫 Jump to fixing before someone is ready.
🚫 Say things that make people shut down without realizing it.
🚫 Avoid tough conversations altogether out of fear of saying the wrong thing.

But the people who get this right? They build deeper relationships, gain unshakable trust, and become the person others turn to when it truly matters.

🔥 If you’re ready to stop feeling helpless in emotional conversations, join the LEAD Model Training today.