Words of Wisdom from an Unknown Fellow Traveller
There's so much beauty in the simple act of sharing our experiences with one other.
I've mentioned before that I started posting on TikTok in April.
I didn't have any plans or intentions other than to try to find some way to make meaning from Chloe's life and death.
I just started posting short videos about a dad trying to figure out how to navigate his daughter's death.
I didn't expect how many people would comment or message in the most heartfelt of ways.
I didn't expect people to be coming up to me in public and thanking me because they recognize me from the videos.
I've learned over the years that simply sharing our stories with one another can be deeply connecting.
Creating the space where people can exchange experiences can be one of the most important gifts we give to one another.
Sometimes that exchange can take the form of a simple comment on social media.
I've been really, really wrestling with what to do with Chloe's ashes.
I sat in the dark in the backyard on the weekend clutching her urn tightly bawling my head off.
The idea of ever letting her go seemed unthinkable to me.
At the same time, having her urn on my desk has started feeling incomplete and like I might be holding something up somehow.
I ended up making a TikTok talking about sitting in the dark with her and how difficult things have been lately.
And a woman, who I have never met commented.
She said, "I had the urns containing my mother, my husband and my child on my mantel for a long time. And then an elder in my community told me, 'It's time to return them to the earth.'"
I haven't stopped thinking about it since I read it.
Instead of leaving Chloe behind, I would be returning her to the earth.
I know I have the power to choose how I look at the act of placing her remains in the ground.
But I needed someone I had never met to show me a new way of thinking about it.
I haven't made any final decisions yet.
But I do feel a sense of peace and in times like this that's worth it's weight in gold to me.
So to my unknown fellow traveller: Thank you. Your words mattered to me.
Jason -
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like your daughter Chloe was an amazing person.
One way you may be able to honor her while simultaneously returning her to the earth would be to consider mixing her ashes in with some compost and using it to plant a tree nearby. That way you would have a living memorial that draws its life from a part of Chloe.
I wish you comfort in whatever path you choose.
--Steve Pirone